First week of the new fall semester is over and I already have homework!! The line up this time around is 8:30am to 9:45-Public Speaking...hour break then 11am to 2:20-Geology. What happened to first day being "hi my name is blah blah blah and lets talk about the syllabus then leave? Nope. Not this time kiddies. In fact I have 2 chapters to read over the weekend for PS-BS and 3 for the Rocks 101. Normally gen-eds are the blow off classes everyone HAS to take to get which ever degree they're seeking and you usually take all those first. Not this girl..this of course was due to the fact that I switched majors half-way through and then time frame options per semester. So here I am...and frankly one of these classes scares me to death. No it's not Rocks 101...
Public Speaking...the class I've been dreading this whole time and the one I've danced around on my schedule hoping it would just go away. I realize everyone gets nervous, in fact that was the topic of discussion Thurs., but that doesn't make me feel any better. The last time I did anything like this was a summer course in eighth grade or something. The minute I'm put on the spot I turn red, sweat profusely, and then stutter. I don't stutter in normal everyday conversations unless I get really excited and my brain is out running my mouth..so NOT normal. Another thing that is totally off for me is I'm sitting in the front row and dead center in this class! Why? I'm the person who likes to sit toward the back or against the wall so I can face pretty much everyone. I hate sitting up front. The reason? I was walking down the hall looking for my class number and who do I see when I get there? A fellow HVAC student named Terry. I've had classes with this guy for at least 3 semesters and he's a familiar face. The drawback...he's an older guy and has trouble seeing the board so he sits in the front. So I negate one comfort zone so I can sit next to another. To say the least, it's very awkward for me and also a first. Panther, Oscelot and my mom think it's good cause then I can just ignore everyone else behind me...that sounds good until you have to go to the front and face them.
So the first speech, due on Sept 4th, is supposed to be an introduction speech. Introduce yourself for 2-3 mins. Well that should be easy enough, right?! Except all I can get out right now is "My name is Tiger............................duh. I think I need some work :)
Rocks 101 despite the work load is like my breathe easy class. The first day I made a beeline for the back (like usual) then noticed that I would be at a lab table by myself if I did that. So I moved up to the next table. Next to me was this short mousy blonde girl and diagonally from me is another girl with glasses. The next thing I know blonde girl looks at me and glasses girl, picks up her stuff and moves to a new table with some geeky looking guys. Glasses girl arches an eyebrow at me, cracks a smile and holds out her hand "Hi, I'm Randi". To which I reply while pretending to smell my armpit "Hey I'm Tiger and I'm pretty sure I don't smell that bad!" She laughs and says "What was that all about?" I shrug and say "We must not look like the cool kids who know a lot." Eventually we get two more guys who sit at our table and everything seems pretty easy going. Thursday was even more amusing when me and Randi realize that one of the guys who sat with us on Tuesday decided to switch tables..he is now sitting next to blonde girl. I make another crack to Randi about how our table must really suck and at this rate everyone will just be on the other side of the room sitting on each others laps. This turn of events is actually good because the guy who stayed, whose name is Chris, knew one of the girls sitting by herself and invited her to join us. All of my table-mates are cool and it's easy to joke around with them while still getting our lab work done. Rocks 101 might not be a short class at 3 hours long but it might be the down time I need after PS-BS. Yes, the work load seems a little intense for a beginning class but the atmosphere, at least at our table, makes up for it. Should make for an interesting semester. Stage fright followed by camaraderie, now that's a screwed up cocktail.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Hind sight being 20/20..
So things are plodding along as usual at the Happy Waffle..meaning of course that work is tedious and sucks LOL. When things get lame and we're busy I usually turn on my mental radio. Today for some reason I wasn't getting much of a signal and my brain went in another direction entirely. A couple days ago someone asked me out of the blue "When did you first realize you were a lesbian?" It got me thinking and looking back on my childhood and younger years. All the signs were there and now, to me, totally obvious.
I played Barbies with my little sister ONLY if I could be Ken. If he was missing (under the bed or in the back of the closet) I would be the blonde barbie who invariably got into some trouble like almost drowning and then had to be rescued by the brunette barbie, which involved CPR or conserving body heat if it happened to be in a cold lake. I liked the grumpy Care Bear because he seemed the most realistic about being surrounded by puffy clouds, bright colors and cheeriness from the other bears. I loved playing with my army men and was stoked when I got a set of walkie-talkies for Christmas one year. I would put on my camo gear and sneak around the backyard.
Delving into the T.V. watching gives even more clues. My parents would record movies off the T.V. onto VHS tapes so we could watch wholesome things during the summer when they would both go to work. I wanted to be Atreyu in the Neverending Story so I could beat up Bastian and save the princess. In Herbie Goes Bananas most kids are cheering for the little Volkswagon that comes to life and saves the day. Not me I was more interested in the G-rated romance on the side involving the guy wooing the girl. Usually those tapes got put into play whenever we knew our parents were going to be home soon. What we normally watched all day was MTV. This of course was when the M actually stood for music and the videos were non-stop. I wanted to be in Billy Idol's "Rock the Cradle of Love" video. Watching a half naked chick dancing around in your bed room? Yes please. I lusted over Alicia Silverstone and Liv Tyler in Aerosmith's "Crazy". I mean, here's two hot girls running around being bad and even cross dressing and going to a strip club! All videos would have plenty of sexy female dancers. I would wait patently for these things and stare entranced at the screen. When it was almost bedtime I could sometimes stay up with my dad and watch T.V. with him. I had a thing for "Hot Lips" Houlihan on M*A*S*H and thought it must suck for her to be stuck without anyone else pretty to share her tent. I'm eternally grateful for my fathers love of sci/fi as well. Star Trek the Next Generation was epic for me. Around this time I figured out I preferred dark headed women opposed to blondes. While I suppose most teen girls would be eyeballing William Riker (second in command) I wanted to peel off that one piece body suit on Counselor Deanna Troi. She could sense my thoughts about her any day..seriously hot!
In school I never 'crushed' on the boys like everyone else. I can appreciate good looks and personality in the opposite sex and even admire some qualities but never felt any stirrings in my core about them. I always had funny vibes or even butterflies from the girls though. Stupid mundane things like sitting next to someone during lunch, borrowing a hairbrush during gym, being picked for a lab partner..yup I had crazy mad feelings for my best friends. The thing is, at that age, I couldn't and didn't have a word for it. Even if I did, those things weren't talked about. I NEVER went into the girls bathroom in the groups they're so fond of. I dressed down in P.E. with my back to everyone and stared at the wall. You don't want people thinking you might be 'weird' or 'gross'. I purposely never hugged even my closest friends. Sleep-overs were rare occasions and I always took the floor or couch instead of the extra space on the bed. No way. I knew deep down that that wasn't good for a girl hitting puberty to do. What an easier way to screw up a good friendship than to wake up in the morning spooning your best buddy! It made me sad and moody. Retreating from a social person and becoming a loner. *SIGH*
Oh well..I finally got older and came out senior year in high school and the rest is history.
But yeah looking back on all the major clues I've got to say hind sight is definitely 20/20 and the answer to that question? I guess as far back as I can remember :)
I played Barbies with my little sister ONLY if I could be Ken. If he was missing (under the bed or in the back of the closet) I would be the blonde barbie who invariably got into some trouble like almost drowning and then had to be rescued by the brunette barbie, which involved CPR or conserving body heat if it happened to be in a cold lake. I liked the grumpy Care Bear because he seemed the most realistic about being surrounded by puffy clouds, bright colors and cheeriness from the other bears. I loved playing with my army men and was stoked when I got a set of walkie-talkies for Christmas one year. I would put on my camo gear and sneak around the backyard.
Delving into the T.V. watching gives even more clues. My parents would record movies off the T.V. onto VHS tapes so we could watch wholesome things during the summer when they would both go to work. I wanted to be Atreyu in the Neverending Story so I could beat up Bastian and save the princess. In Herbie Goes Bananas most kids are cheering for the little Volkswagon that comes to life and saves the day. Not me I was more interested in the G-rated romance on the side involving the guy wooing the girl. Usually those tapes got put into play whenever we knew our parents were going to be home soon. What we normally watched all day was MTV. This of course was when the M actually stood for music and the videos were non-stop. I wanted to be in Billy Idol's "Rock the Cradle of Love" video. Watching a half naked chick dancing around in your bed room? Yes please. I lusted over Alicia Silverstone and Liv Tyler in Aerosmith's "Crazy". I mean, here's two hot girls running around being bad and even cross dressing and going to a strip club! All videos would have plenty of sexy female dancers. I would wait patently for these things and stare entranced at the screen. When it was almost bedtime I could sometimes stay up with my dad and watch T.V. with him. I had a thing for "Hot Lips" Houlihan on M*A*S*H and thought it must suck for her to be stuck without anyone else pretty to share her tent. I'm eternally grateful for my fathers love of sci/fi as well. Star Trek the Next Generation was epic for me. Around this time I figured out I preferred dark headed women opposed to blondes. While I suppose most teen girls would be eyeballing William Riker (second in command) I wanted to peel off that one piece body suit on Counselor Deanna Troi. She could sense my thoughts about her any day..seriously hot!
In school I never 'crushed' on the boys like everyone else. I can appreciate good looks and personality in the opposite sex and even admire some qualities but never felt any stirrings in my core about them. I always had funny vibes or even butterflies from the girls though. Stupid mundane things like sitting next to someone during lunch, borrowing a hairbrush during gym, being picked for a lab partner..yup I had crazy mad feelings for my best friends. The thing is, at that age, I couldn't and didn't have a word for it. Even if I did, those things weren't talked about. I NEVER went into the girls bathroom in the groups they're so fond of. I dressed down in P.E. with my back to everyone and stared at the wall. You don't want people thinking you might be 'weird' or 'gross'. I purposely never hugged even my closest friends. Sleep-overs were rare occasions and I always took the floor or couch instead of the extra space on the bed. No way. I knew deep down that that wasn't good for a girl hitting puberty to do. What an easier way to screw up a good friendship than to wake up in the morning spooning your best buddy! It made me sad and moody. Retreating from a social person and becoming a loner. *SIGH*
Oh well..I finally got older and came out senior year in high school and the rest is history.
But yeah looking back on all the major clues I've got to say hind sight is definitely 20/20 and the answer to that question? I guess as far back as I can remember :)
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